Co-dependence (also written codependence, and often called codependency) is a way of being close to someone that helpers and doctors worry about. A co-dependent person feels they cannot be happy or “all right” unless another person is all right — especially someone with a drink problem, a drug problem, or a big emotional need. So they spend their strength keeping that person going: covering for them, fixing their mess, putting their own needs last. From the outside it can look like kindness. Though actually the kindness has got stuck: the helper needs to be needed, and the other person never has to stand on their own. The word grew in the late twentieth century around groups that helped families of alcoholics. It is a psychology word, not everyday chat, and people sometimes throw it at any close couple, which stretches it. Healthy love is two people who can also be themselves; co-dependence is when “we” has eaten “I”.